bemusedlybespectacled:

analytickle-lezdom-in-space:

Hey guys, just a PSA: Ethical nonmonogamy and cheating are two very different things.

First of all, nonmonogamous does not equal nonexclusive. Some people in polyamorous relationships are very exclusive to two or 3 or more people and they do not have sexual or romantic relationships outside that small group as per mutual agreement. If any of them had a sexual or romantic relationship outside that agreement, it would be cheating.

And second of all, even for those like me who aren’t exclusive, we clarify that before getting into a relationship with someone and make sure that’s totally understood and our partners are all okay with that. And it doesn’t take away from what we have with any of those partners

Basically, the primary difference, and this is key in any relationship, is communication, honesty, and consent.

The way I like to define “cheating” is “breaking the mutually agreed-upon boundaries of your relationship.” So instead of wondering whether X or Y specific behavior “counts” as cheating (“is it cheating if we only sexted?”), the standard is “what did we agree on?”

 If you’re breaking a promise to a partner (or deliberately trying to find loopholes – “you never said anything about sexting!”), that’s cheating. It’s not the behavior itself, but the behavior in the context of your relationship and its boundaries.